Some Thing's Coming
Some Thing's Coming by I Monster!
The VaM-style spell today is Some Thing's Coming - the title coming from this song by I Monster.
Neveroddoreven is fantastic - and full of lots of exciting ideas - All of I Monster is, really.
Other good spells from the album would be: The Blue Wrath, Daydream in Blue, Heaven, A Scarecrow's Tale, Stobart's Blues, and Sunny Delights - Three of which are blue, which is a great motif - and that's nearly the whole album's tracklist!
Here are some definitions of Some, Thing's, and Coming !
an unspecified amount or number of.
used to refer to someone or something that is unknown or unspecified.
(used with a number) approximately.
a considerable amount or number of.
at least a small amount or number of.
expressing admiration of something notable.
used ironically to express disapproval or disbelief.
an unspecified number or amount of people or things.
at least a small amount or number of people or things.
to some extent; somewhat.
an object that one need not, cannot, or does not wish to give a specific name to.
personal belongings or clothing.
equipment, utensils, or other objects used for a particular purpose.
anything (used for emphasis).
used to express one's disapproval of or contempt for something.
all that can be described in the specified way.
used euphemistically to refer to a man's penis.
an inanimate material object as distinct from a living sentient being.
a living creature or plant.
used to express and give a reason for one's pity, affection, approval, or contempt for a person or animal.
an action, activity, event, thought, or utterance.
circumstances, conditions, or matters that are unspecified.
an abstract entity, quality, or concept.
an example or type of something.
a situation or activity of a specified type or quality.
a romantic or sexual relationship.
an established or genuine phenomenon or practice (typically used in expressions registering surprise or incredulity).
what is needed or required.
what is socially acceptable or fashionable.
one's special interest or concern.
used to introduce or emphasize an important point.
due to happen or just beginning.
likely to be important or successful in the future.
an arrival or approach.
move or travel toward or into a place thought of as near or familiar to the speaker.
arrive at a specified place.
(of a thing) reach or extend to a specified point.
approach.
travel in order to be with a specified person, to do a specified thing, or to be present at an event.
join someone in participating in a specified activity or course of action.
said to someone when correcting, reassuring, or urging them on.
Occur; happen; take place.
be heard, perceived, or experienced.
take or occupy a specified position in space, order, or priority.
achieve a specified place in a race or contest.
interfere with or disturb the relationship of (two people).
pass into a specified state, especially one of separation or disunion.
reach eventually a certain condition or state of mind.
be sold, available, or found in a specified form.
have an orgasm.
Here are the lyrics!
I said something's coming
I said something's shaking
I said something's shaking
I said something's cooking
I said something's cooking
Are you coming too?
I said something's coming
Are you coming too?
I said something's coming
Are you coming too?
I said something's coming
Are you coming too?
Some Thing’s Coming
Duration: 1 Round
Range: Caster
This spell precipitates movement, the passing and interlocking of variables such as time and space, and is uniquely connected to a specific act.
The somatic component of this spell is the act of masturbation, if this is not physically possible the somatic component would be the miming of masturbation.
Time slows for a moment, and several universal factors align such that the caster will find it possible to reach climax in seconds, so this spell can be cast in combat – or very quickly outside of it.
But, just before the caster climaxes, the referee makes a random encounter roll, which enters and will likely demand attention – and then the caster has a choice.
They may stop masturbating, and take an action – or they may continue.
If they stop and take an action, it happens before combat, or before the wandering encounter is otherwise dealt with.
If they continue to masturbate, they will reach climax, which will return the spell slot used to cast Some Thing’s Coming and make their next 1d4-1 actions be at disadvantage due to wobbly legs and heavy breathing.
Miscast Table
1 – Uh oh, something went wrong: the caster is struck with a bout of Anorgasmia and this means they will just keep masturbating with no result but the introduction of a random encounter roll every six seconds, in total 1D6 should be rolled. Then they have to choose the option to stop, which will be very frustrating.
2 – Ow Ow Ow: The caster suffers an instance if Dysorgasmia, painful orgasms. They are put prone in serious pain for 1D6 Rounds, and are considered to have chosen to reach climax, but suffer missed turns instead of disadvantage.
3 – They just keep orgasming, and this happens 1D8 times – each time they retrieve a spell slot if possible, and the disadvantage is cumulative. They are considered to have chosen the option to climax by default.
4 – Some sort of reality-altering effect takes place and torrents of the appropriate liquid exit on completion, but it changes when it hits the air – reacting like spidersilk and forming webs and gobs of sticky string around the feet, hands, and general 5’ radius around the caster. Treat this as Web with reduced range, and normal duration as per the caster’s level. They are considered to have chosen the option to climax by default
5 – Synapses get borked in the caster’s head – from now on, when a random encounter is rolled, if they succeed the surprise roll, they orgasm and are at disadvantage for the duration of combat.
6 – The caster orgasms so hard that they pass out, falling over if standing. They are considered to have chosen the option to climax by default, but the disadvantage does not matter – they are unconscious!
7 – The caster experiences an instance of extreme catharsis post-orgasm, and is overcome, they cannot do much more than cry or lay down – and are functionally impaired to the point of only being capable of the most basic and simple tasks for the duration of combat, or 30 minutes. They are considered to have chosen the option to climax by default.
8 – The caster suddenly experiences complete clarity: They are considered to have chosen the option to stop and take action by default – and their action, if it involves rolling, will be successful.
9 – The caster’s clothing flies off like bats, and their teeth, fingers, hair, toes, nose, ears, and Penis/Clitoris/Nipples/Genitalia all extend about 3X normal length. They have become a sexual vampire, and will transform anytime in the future when they orgasm, they drink sexual fluids instead of blood, but otherwise are the same as vampires in your setting.
10 – The caster’s spine rips out of their body, all their bones leave out the hole like a bag full of hamsters – then they are rewoven and reworked to not require bones to function – now the only support is muscles. This functionally increases strength by two – but they do take 20 hit point damage from the spine removal – so they have to survive that first.
11 – The caster cannot breathe, if they look down they will see their other hand’s fingers wrapped around their neck – If they choose to stop, they do not get the action: instead they catch their breath – if they do choose to climax: they pass out as a result.
12 – Some sort of reality-altering effect takes place and torrents of the appropriate liquid exit on completion – and it pools in front of the caster, and then functions as a Summon.
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