Kommienezuspadt

 

Kommienezuspadt by the one and only, Tom Waits!

 

 The VaM-style spell today is Kommienezuspadt - the title coming from this song by Tom Waits.

 

Tom Waits's music was played a lot when I was a kid, Blood Money, Alice, and Bone Machine specifically, and this is one of my favorite songs from his whole catalogue - there is something deeply primal about the German language, and this captures that.

A combination of nonsense words, other languages juxtaposed with English, gravelly voice and custom instruments, and overall strange and jarring music choices, all are elements that demonstrate that Tom is not afraid of doing something that no-one else does, oh, and of course the art of the cover is fantastic, I highly recommend listing to the album Alice - there is a lot to consider there.

Thanks for making music that made me run circles around the coffee table Tom!

 

 

 Here are some definitions/translations of  the title/lyrics!

 Komme nie zu spadt!
 Sei punktlich!

Means-

Never be too late!
 Be punctual!

 Here are the lyrics! 

 

laigen prash hugen perr lai lando

Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!

Sei punktlich!
Sei punktlich!
Sei punktlich!

Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!  

lai laigen por la moura, shourken frue lagrah, pai en pulg la barra, 

ja le poumetofou , hugen shu la manda, pulga ma la aea,

kai laigen shuk a mulra, lai lulgen zeck la froush

And we can't be late!
Komme nie, komme nie,
komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!

gail shae la pour la mourden, haigen frel depar,

la laila por la manda, shoukegien palnabe

And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!
Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!

Sei punktlich!
Sei punktlich!
Sei punktlich!

Komme nie zu spadt!
Komme nie zu spadt!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha!
Komme nie zu spadt! 

Hugen pa la manda, hugen shar la ma, pai sha por mor la parta,

Royen pail la shea, la laouryen parabara, shlana pairamar, 

Kelugen paramvano, she ga pa va na

And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!
And we can't be late!
Sei punktlich!
Sei punktlich!
Komme nie zu spadt!

Komme nie, komme nie, komme nie, komme nie, komme nie zu spadt! 

Ok, here is the spell's effects! 

Duration: 5 minutes, which is 50 Rounds

Range: Line of Sight

Uh oh!

Time’s up!

You only have so much time!

Once the time is up, it’s all over!

When the time is up, everyone still within line of sight of the caster gets put in their proper place.

While the spell is working, the caster should frequently be saying things like “We mustn't be late!” and “Hurry Up!” and “We’re behind!”.

If they have hair, it will turn white while the spell is in effect, and if they have a timekeeping device– they have doubled movement speed and two actions a round if they pull it out and make some exclamation to the effect of “We’re late!” at the start of their turn.

Each person’s proper place is 5 minutes in the future.

Anyone not in their proper place will be stuck 5 minutes behind.

(This spell may be cast as if it had an * after it!)

Miscast Table (Roll Secretly!)

1 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are touching the caster’s skin.

2 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are clutching some part of the caster’s clothing.

3 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are within 3’ of the caster.

4 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are following the caster through some kind of doorway, this will happen the next time the caster passes through a doorway.

5 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are holding hands with the caster.

6 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are looking into the caster’s eyes.

7 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are singing loudly.

8 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they look away from the caster in addition to being in line of sight

9 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they jump 5 seconds before or after the time is up.

10 – Instead of line of sight, once the 5 minutes is up, people are only put in their proper place if they are clutching some part of the caster’s clothing and the caster is clutching some part of their clothing.

11 – Once the 5 minutes is up, only the caster is put in their proper place – everyone else is 5 minutes behind.

12 – Roll twice – and either works, if you roll all results the spell casts as normal.

(MAKE THESE CLEAR TO THE PLAYERS, HAVE THEM SCRAMBLE TO DO THESE, NOT KNOWING WHICH IS CORRECT, IF THEY TRY TO DO MULTIPLE, IT WILL NOT BE EASY/POSSIBLE – HAVE FUN!)