Why ask questions?

 

This post is about the importance of questions - and some of the encounters I have had when I asked people questions.

 

If I follow someone on twitter – I can see who else follows them, if they follow me.

This means when I network – I can see who knows who – and when I have to unfollow someone because of their actions – I talk to my other people who know them, to tell them why I am unfollowing, to explain things.

When I am going to unfollow someone, I talk to them – I express my concerns, and we talk about it. This is because there could be misinformation on my end – I might be wrong – I might have gotten the wrong signals or only be seeing part of the information.

So when I approach people politely – to communicate – and they respond in a way that makes me uncomfortable, or we do not reach mutual ground – then I unfollow – and we both know why.

Interestingly – this makes some people Very angry – and for some reason just asking questions or letting people know, out of common courtesy, why I am not going to be interacting with them – or asking about things they have said or done – is somehow considered hostile to people, at least to most of the people I have had to approach with questions.

If anyone could explain to me why this is - I am all ears.

A lot of this post will be about a specific interaction between myself and Taylor Lane, but the reason that this interaction is part of the post is because I think it illustrates some of the problems and reasons not asking questions has been normalized, the real point is to ask why people are question averse - and provide some reasons why questions are essential to learning, communicating, and in general - communities.

The reason I had to talk to Taylor was because they retweet, comment, and interact with the RPGPundit.

I will not be involved with anyone who thinks RPGPundit is ok – The same could be said of Olivia Hill, Venger Satanis, Patrick Stuart, Ettin, Cavegirl, Skerples, and Goons.

For an explanation of why Zak is not on this list, see this.

For my reasons why I do not want to be involved with anything related to the RPGPundit, you could mainly just look at this.

If you also look at what RPGPundit tweets – retweets – and comments about on his blog – you will see what I object to.

In short - their politics are incompatible with mine, and would not be representative of what I think or feel - so I do not want to accommodate or be associated with them.

So, the main point here is not any individual behavior from Taylor, or anyone else I have had to ask questions of before – but rather this pervasive notion that asking questions is somehow bad.

Taylor immediately jumped to conclusions – was hostile and rude – and also just straight up said multiple things that are not well thought out – and all I wanted was an answer.

So part of why I believe that questions and proof are important is – asking myself questions like,

What are the bad consequences if we can't question each other?

What are the bad consequences if we can't talk in any detail about accusations and counter-accusations?

And the answer to these questions is misinformation and people not communicating – which leads to the formation of small groups and people afraid to communicate outside their small circles.

Instead of a community at large, we get cliques, and cliques form power structures that can be very problematic – leading to small groups that conflict with each other – Conflicts like edition warring - and people claiming false things and telling them to their small circle, which leads to that group running with that information and sparring with other groups without actually talking to the other group to see if that information is based in fact.

Nearly every war, or even conflict – violent or not – stems from a feeling of Us vs Them – and when people interact and talk and communicate – usually the tendency to see the dreaded “other” as an evil thing that wants to harm us is reduced or eliminated.

What is the best way to interact, talk, communicate when you are missing information?

Asking questions.

Not asking questions leads to polarized communities – and leads to less fact checking and communication – which will give us less and less good things to read, speak about, collaborate about.

I have had several people tell me that there is no community – that they owe nothing to the community – and I feel that this is brought about by an inherent problem we currently face as a RPG Community – the problem being the apparent unwillingness to ask questions and investigate.

The amount of people that talk about cancel culture, about outrage culture – and denounce it OR participate in it are missing the point of why it is bad or why they should be canceling someone – it is bad because in a majority of cases, the public moves without information – and claims are made without asking the people who they are made about – and then people are wrongly harassed and persecuted.

So when I ask people about their support or involvement with someone – the idea that it is somehow a threat – or a demand – is a common thing I have encountered, even if that idea is very flawed.

I am not trying to pressure you – I am not trying to threaten you – I am not accosting you – I am not telling you how to live your life – I am just asking for some information that only you could give me, and information I need to be fair and impartial.

I am going to use some of what Taylor said as examples of this kind of thinking – the notion that asking questions are somehow bad – and also addressing other aspects that are brought about when people just assume things without asking questions.

Taylor Lane said this, publicly, on twitter

Someone who retweets Zak S is in my DMs demanding that I justify my interacting with @KasimirUrbanski

This might be the funniest thing on this hellsite that I've seen in weeks, TTRPG Twitter is a neverending clownshow that I hate but keep coming back to

    I (Ben) did not demand anything – This is the exact conversation they are speaking about.

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BEN - Hello! When you have time to talk - I would like to air some concerns Thanks!

TAYLOR - Okay. What do you want?

BEN - I have extreme reservations interacting with you or anything you do because i see pundit involved - And I don't know what to do

TAYLOR - Okay. And you want me to do... what, exactly?

BEN - Explain your side - Like why you are ok with Pundit, and I could offer some of my reasons i am so hesitant Then we could continue to figure out a way forward

-

    So, a demand is an insistent and peremptory request, made as if by right – What I was doing was requesting, or asking – I was not acting as if I had a right to that information, but I was asked what information I wanted, so I responded the way I felt proper.

Continuing on,

-

TAYLOR - Lol, are you trying to get me to denounce Pundit when you recently retweeted Zak S?

"a way forward"?

Man, that's pretty presumptuous of you. What's that mean?

BEN - No trying to get denoucing - You have interacted with them a lot, and consider them a peer - Correct? A way for me to feel ok interacting or some other outcome I just mean a way for me to proceed one way or another And We also seem to disagree on Zak, maybe that could also be discussed

TAYLOR - proceed with what?

What are you going to do to me if I don't give you what you want?

-

So here are more assumptions about the purpose of asking questions – Taylor appears to assume I am somehow trying to convince, coerce, or command them to do something – When all I have done is ask a question, answer their question, and wait for answers so I can make an informed decision. They then proceed to assume that I am threatening them somehow.

Continuing on,

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BEN - To retweet your things - Participate -

I have no hold over you, I am not threatening you in any way - I just do not feel comfortable, and want to rectify that

I couldnt live with myself if I did not talk to people about things when they affect me, and I dont want to just disappear- I Want to talk

TAYLOR - alright, well, I'll be frank. I don't know you. I don't take particularly kindly to people demanding that I justify to them personally who I do and don't talk to, even when I do know them.

I interact with Pundit because I tried exclusively interacting with the left-wing of TTPRG twitter for my first year on here, and they were extremely cruel to me. They called me a money-grubbing grifter for charging a whole dollar for my PDFs. They claimed I was exploiting my fanbase when I asked for betareaders. They started a harassment campaign when I wouldn't hire one of them as a developmental editor. They called me a troublemaker when I complained about these things publicly. Ava Islam told lies about me when I wouldn't edit a rough draft of my work (that she obtained without my permission) to please her. After about six months of this and more such things like this, Pundit offered to promo my work. After six months of further such acts, I took him up on it.

I'd rather deal with people like him than people like you.

Anyways, go fuck yourself

-

    Again, I answer their questions, and clarify my intentions – and they answer my question – but end with insulting me, and mostly because they assumed things about me, instead of asking questions or considering my question as being asked in good faith.

The worst part – is that this behavior appears to have been induced because of bullying and abuse – which they told me right here – and so their hesitancy, and immediate assumption of bad faith, is trauma induced – and so they are not thinking about what I am saying, but rather are seeing me as an enemy – because they think that the only way to be included is to pick a clique and stick with it – instead of communicating to a diverse group of people, and asking questions so as to become better informed about people different than yourself.

I will reiterate – I am not demanding anything – if that was not clear – I just was letting them know how I felt, and when asked – I told Taylor why.

Continuing on,

-

BEN - Hey - that is a good reason

No need for hostility

I am not trying to accost you for those who support you

I am trying to explain my position and examine yours

So we could coexist

I am not trying to control you - I am trying to communicate

TAYLOR - lol

look, we were already coexisting

demanding that another person justify their behavior to you is always a hostile act

BEN - I am not demanding, I am humbly asking - and you kindly gave reasons

And I am not being hostile - just forward

I am telling you that I had concerns, and rather than saying nothing, and betraying my own sensibilities, I made my concerns Known

I do not think being on either side exclusively is a good idea - And I have seen from you firsthand on the subject of people being cruel and mean and evil to you - it has happened to me

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    I was not being hostile, or demanding – but this idea that asking questions or requesting proof as somehow being harassment, bullying, unnecessary, pointless – this is the real issue, not what Taylor did. 

 

Finally,

-

TAYLOR - okay

cool, alright. You've heard my side of the story.

And I'm not on any side exclusively. Never said I was. I tried interacting only with left-wingers because that's what they wanted, and I wanted to stay out of trouble. If I could have had that, I would have.

Anyways, have a nice night, make what decisions you need to make.

BEN – ok

-

What I was not aware of was while I was conversing with Taylor – they were making a public post about our interaction, not naming me of course, but talking about it.

In that they also made a lot of assumptions about me, without asking me those questions or discussing how my actions made them feel with me directly – and without asking for me to explain why I was asking the questions I was, or you know, communicating.

In short – the lack of questions led to miscommunication – and the problems that always seem to crop up have arisen from the lack of questions and asking for proof – the concept that questions are not needed and proof is not needed will lead to more and more misinformation, fights, miscommunication, and a more and more fractured community – which is something no-one should want.

If you are unsure, uncomfortable, or feel confused – please ask questions. If you do, you might get information that helps you feel certain – comfortable – or the situation might be clarified.

Please ask questions in comments, I desperately want there to be discussion around this, because it is so vitally important. 

Anonymous comments will be screencapped, archived, then deleted.

Normal comments will be answered or read, then screencapped.

If you ask a question, I will respond, and I would appreciate anyone engaging to do the same. 

Namecalling, First strike attacks, and any kind of racism, sexism, or other nastiness will be deleted. After being screencapped.