Dungeon Apps

 "I’ve just been wondering what apps adventurers would use if smartphones worked in dungeons"

- Jeff Rients

Here's some ideas we had:

"Lock app for thieves - take a pic and then other users give you terrible contradictory advice on how to pick it."

 "I'm thinking wandering monsters have some sort of gig economy app, like they bid on who patrols what level when."

(Jeff - of Jeff's Gameblog!)

(art by @SamuelThomasCu2 - thanks sam!)

Gnomes play candy crush, of course.

Slack, but for goblins and trolls!

App that makes noises that attract bugs (tasty snack for dungeon creatures)

Dubious magic detector apps, "point towards people to detect evil!"

Poison detector apps - which is basically a shitty flowchart for figuring out what poison killed someone once they drink it.

"This app will play sounds that heal you while you sleep!"

"This app will send long distance messages to family via dream!"

Shitty home automation but with backpacks, other dungeoneering equipment 

"Deploy grappling hook!"  Lags horribly*

"dungeonmaster alexa, open nest and set thermostat in my fortress"

"Eject compartment 6!" Ejects wrong compartment*

Message boards, of course!

One called table, for adventurers -

Kulbth is the monster equivalent, it's the orc word for "so drunk you're under the table".

Like a digital table where the adventurers are on stools drinking and swapping shitty rumors and jobs and advice and not conveying enough info or the true danger.

I could say it's closer to plumbing and other such trade work boards - those are hilarious, matter of fact, and useful - it's just often dubious because dungeoneering is full of complete liars, fools, and madness - alongside experts.

Kulbth is where dungeon baddies send messages and post bounties - largely incoherent messages, digital gum and garbage, and crude drawings.

Some Random Table Posts:
1: "what is the best manufacturer of iron arms and armor in the city?"

2: "I have located the lair: any advice guys?"

3: "new adventurer, looking for any tips - thanks folks <3"

4: "I remember when adventuring was better!"

5: "Looking for new drinking buddies"

6: "weakness thread! Share any new weaknesses for common dungeon foes!"

Some Random Kulbth Posts:
1: "hiring new guards for my evil tower" *depiction of two ogres eating people's legs and guarding a door*

2: "any ladeez on leve l 3???" *awful hobgoblin selfie*

3 "recpie - take a gonme n cut it to chunk - add salts"

4: *really awful scrawled map*

5: "treasure here" *blurry photo*

6: "PRANTK" *blurry picture of a bucket of something above a doorway*

7 "fuk you thunlk, i kil you soon"

8 "DONT EAT" *blurry picture of millipede with yellow and black patterns*

Dwarves just use notepad but it's digital clay and stone tablets - slowly aggregating into huge libraries full of dwarf notes.

some random dwarf digital tablets:

1: list of smelting times.

2: list of every known metal and musings on how each one feels to work with as if they are people.

3: every physical characteristic of a normal animal - but so detached that it reads super weird.

4: list of repairs needed to a fortress.

5: moon phase reports used for tide prediction on a underground sea.

6: dwarf dream journal "mining, again".

7: huge list of which pipe connects to where.

8: list of grudges and specific dates.

9: grocery list.

10: precise weights and prices for a huge shipment of copper.

Calculator can be used for divvying loot, constantly exchanging currency rates and fractions of coins.

Wizards and crazies using eBay for monster parts and strange relics!

Flashlight is useful!

Record behind and in front of self for illusions!

Camera photos might pick up different types of stone and paper - secret passages and pages, respectively, might be revealed.

Shitty wishing well scam app that just takes money and gives no wishes, so idiots and creatures often toss their pay into a fake wishing well.

Speaking of scams...

Monster sex scam apps, popups, et cetera!

random monster sex scam table:
1: "hot ladies!" *weird picture of a lumpy looking woman (is goblins in a suit)*

2: "ghost can't rest peacefully - needs a home to haunt" *sexy ghost jpeg*

3 "lonely liches looking for companionship" *lich handing hot adventurer lady a sword with a bow on it*

4: "local dragon looking for good conversation, dinner" *dragon with sultry eyes*

5: "this whole hobgoblin garrison is ready for action" *bunch of sweaty hobgoblins with towels*

6: "I have hundreds of tentacles in your area right now!" * a gif of hundreds of tentacles wrigglin'*

Real actual monster dating sex apps!

1: (magic user tinder) "I know how to cast magic mouth, change self, haste, mind switch, and clone - let's get freaky!"

2: (fey bumble or hinge or whatever) "faerie princesses looking for a dancing partner for the fey ball!"

3: Lonely Halls (monster grindr)

4: just X (twitter, whatever)